8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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