i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
