You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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