And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
