I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize