I have demons in me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i came on her dog
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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