How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
