Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
