I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
