she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
