I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize