Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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