Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
