Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
