She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
