There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
