you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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