with your own penis?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
