I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
