Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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