Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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