i would punch a child for taco bell
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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