Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
