he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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