I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize