so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
