this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
