We named our party play list daddy issues
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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