Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize