If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
