Where is the hickey?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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