Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
