if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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