I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize