Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
