matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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