I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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