so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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