Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
