I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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