Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
