I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
