At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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