So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
