i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
