sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
