Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
