I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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