First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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