Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
