...so i touched it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
