Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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