I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
