Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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