He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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