hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
