Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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