Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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