I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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