Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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