I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
