I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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