Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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