so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
