Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
