With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
