chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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