you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
