I'm lost and stupid without you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
