4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize